Changes

A few weeks back I wrote about finally getting out of my grief and getting involved in life again well for the brief moment in time I thought I had the world by the tail.  I was falling in love with an interesting man and he with me but then life has a way of slapping you in the face and letting you know that it isn’t going to go your way today.  I found out that even though he is an exciting man, loves his country, the job he does for it, along with his buddies and the friends he makes along the way he doesn’t think much about the woman he professes to love.  He wanted me to do something which I felt uncomfortable with and before you go there remember he is out of country and that would be hard anyway he thought it would be okay so I was going to go along with it anyway and then he blows everything out of the mountain when he realizes I couldn’t do it anyway because I wasn’t able to.

First of all he knew I was able because we had this same discussion not to long before and he got upset then too.  I feel like I was on a yoyo with emotions which isn’t a cool place to be so I think I will stay on this side of the living which is a good place to be but I will just continue to be by myself because I’m too set in my ways to even try to date at this stage of my life.  But dang I’m so tired of being lonely and that just entitle the sex that isn’t there anymore but companionship which is what I thought me and this guy was building up for when he came home from being deployed.  He was fun, he had honor, interesting and always kept me guessing about what he was going to do next.  At least I can thank him for bringing me out of the world of the dead and back to the side of the living so thanks so much and I truly hope that you get back home safe and sound.  Maybe someday God will bring you back in my life and you will be different less your way or the highway kind of guy.  I truly wanted it to be right but not at both of us getting hurt.

Well my wonderful bloggers, family, and friends there isn’t more I can add to what I have already added but I will tell you that I hope each and every one of you have a fantastic week that is ahead of us don’t work to hard and be good to your fellow man.  I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes by John F. Kennedy which really has nothing to do with my blog it is just a great quote:   I look forward to a great future for America—future which our country will match its military strength with our moral restraint , its wealth with our wisdom and its power with our purpose.

Thank you again for letting this old lady ramble about with words and thoughts.  Again I wish you a good week.  And for you my dear friend in the military whom I’m sending this to you by email I’m hoping to see you some day in the future I hope that you will be happy and that you will be healthy and safe.  God bless you now and in your future.

Hello fellow bloggers, friends and family:  I am sitting here in my room thinking about what to do with the layout of where things should go in it.  But I am thinking about a deeper rooted issues also.  I am not sure if I would call it a major issue yet but it has me thinking so it might become one in the future.  LOL  I have met a guy whom I haven’t met yet at least physically we have been talking now for a while but it is still a short time for me.  He seems to be nice, he is polite and he is interesting which is more than I can say for a few people I have known for 20 years or more.  But sometimes when we are chatting he gets to be silent doesn’t say anything and all of a sudden he isn’t there anymore however I do have to think that he is a soldier and he is in a bad situation so he could’ve had to take measure to be safe.

He sometimes is irritable but that is true with all men and again he isn’t in the safest of places at the moment.  When we first started talking he was stationed in Japan but about 3 days ago I think it was he was deployed over to Africa. Which part isn’t necessary I guess cause I know that I have to be careful with what I say because of safety for all concern.  He isn’t what I expected but he could very well be what I want.  I never expected after the things I found out about him and my brother’s girlfriend to feel this way but the problem with that is how do I know what I’m feeling is real afterall I haven’t met him or him me.  He won’t be back home until December sometime unless of course this deployment has pushed that further out now.  Life sure takes some strange and interesting turns sometimes.  I guess I don’t really want advice I know that I need to be careful because I haven’t met him yet but I do know that he is in the military and he is stationed in Africa where he says he was.  He hasn’t lied about those facts and those are usually the facts that get messed up at least have been in my case.

Now back to my room when you come into in …. the closet takes up a good piece of the left side and then you have a empty space where is where I want to put my bed and then I want to put my desk where my computer sits facing out with my back to the wall so the light from my computer won’t shine out in the hallway at night if I have my door open so I can hear Mom yell if she needs anything but the light won’t bother her.  Plus I can see my “Wall of Fame” better from across the room looking straight out instead of my back to it.

Well I have a new friend her name is Connie actually I have several but she has been my friend now for almost a year and she is losing weight with a new product not for her but for me and I have been following her results which are awesome.  She is a military wife just very nice plus I can talk with her about my military background even other things that I haven’t even talked with my best friend about without any hesitation I believe God put her in my life for a reason at this time.  I don’t know what that is yet she believes that too but we are willing to wait and see just what that might be.  She is one of the bravest people I know.  She spends a lot of time alone while her husband is deployed and the other half of time when he returns being a wife I know that takes gusts and understanding from both side of the line.  I respect both parties so much.  Hang in there Connie God will get us both through my emotional garbage.

I want to wish you all a good week this week.  For Connie and Tony who will be leaving on Friday to visit with family have a wonderful time on your trip and come home rested and have fun with your granddaughter.  Love all of you thanks for listening to this old lady ramble about stuff again.  God bless you all.

Because We Allow It

Let’s put an end to it.

Rumpydog

I am angry with myself.

Yesterday I was hurting over yet another senseless shooting. I hurt for the families of the dead, for those who were injured, and for the responders, some of whom will suffer trauma at what they have witnessed.

Then they released the numbers and I was floored. I simply could not wrap my head around how someone would shoot over 100 people, killing half of them, in that short amount of time.

But thanks to the miracle of social media, I didn’t have to think about it for long. I could join in with the arguing about who is to blame. From Texas’ Lt. Governor Patrick’s tweet blaming the victims for their lifestyle, to Ronnie Dunn’s public rebuke of our president for daring to mention guns as a contributing factor, there was no lack of voices out there spreading their noise pollution.

And of course there was…

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GET ME OUT OF HERE

Hello fellow bloggers, family and friends: As most of you know Carl (my hubby) died four years ago today it has taken me that many years to finally honor his final request which was to take him or somehow get him to New England (New Hampshire) so that he might start to enjoy those color changes in the trees when summer starts to turn cooler into autumn.  Well I took his ashes down to the marina during high tide and poured him into the water so that he could catch the gulf streams going out which would happen this morning about 0152.  I figure by now he is probably around the Key Largo, Miami area so he would be on the east side of Florida while I put him in on the west side of Florida.

With the momentum that Tropical depression Bonnie has he should be in the upward part of the east coast and in New Hampshire no later maybe next Monday and I would say by than he should be quite content.  (LOL)

I was miserable when I first thought taking and placing his ashes out in the gulf but I knew this was the most practical solution and it was the only non-money one.  I’m not going to say that it was the easiest thing I have ever done because you who have been reading me for a while would know I would be lying and mostly to myself. I will tell you I think it is the best thing all around for not only him even though I’m sure after four years he doesn’t really care (except to get out of the box) but the rest of us.  I was talking to a friend earlier and told him I was miserable and he told me it would get easier I know it will and it already has because I have voiced it with him and now I feel even better because why you ask I’m blogging and blogging is always best.

Well Guys and Girls thanks just stopping by so that I can burn off a lot of stress, grief and any other stuff that is left over from the last four years.  It will be a little easier I feel simply because I finally got the last request done for Carl even if I didn’t take him personally to New Hampshire he is on his way and he is doing it his way.  I love you all please leave me a comment and let me know what you think.

 

MOVING EAST!!!

Hello fellow bloggers, friends and family:  Just wanted to catch up on the happenings at the Kelly-Heinzelman household.  First off my brother seems to be gaining weight again which with his skinny self is really great doctors still aren’t sure what caused the weight lost but they have their suspect but aren’t telling.  Second, I will be moving east to Florida in the panhandle on the 3rd of May yes I know it is just right around the corner but it will be okay.  I will be online and let you guys know how things are going and of course I will still be taking my photos and I will have a lot more places to chose from plus I will have that big gulf coast.  (LOL)

I’m going for two good reasons or I would stay here and go on about my business.  Misty is there and also my ex-husband and ex-mother in law who is having some health issues and he needs some relief help which I don’t mind helping out after all they were there for me when Carl passed away four years ago this May.  They both let me come stay with them for a whole month while I grieved so I wouldn’t worry  nether one of my daughters or my brothers cause it was really rough going for a while and I was fit for even my own company.  I also will be getting to meet my son-in-law for the very first time when Misty went back to Florida last year to be closer to her Grams she ran into Shane and they got together and have been ever since.  I’m happy for both of them and glad that she is happy for the first in who knows when.

I will posting a lot more of my photos so that will be good for all of us.  You guys can see my work and I will be doing something I love.  For now I think it is time to go and write on my other site.  Have a wonderful week and God bless you all.  Love ya lots and lots.

 

 

MOM 3-9-33 to 9-5-00

Hello family, fellow bloggers and friends:  It’s that time again to wish my Mom Happy Birthday today would have been 83 years young.  She didn’t get to watch her oldest great grandson turn 18 nor will she been at her oldest great granddaughter graduation in May of the year.  She has been missing a lot since she has been gone but no matter what we still all think about her a lot and still miss and love her every day.

I have a habit of wondering what it would be like to still have her with us and enjoying the company of her but then I remember that she was in lots of pain before she had to leave us and I wouldn’t want her in pain plus I know I’m being selfish by wanting her to be here.  She is up in heaven with my Grandma, Nana, and all the others who have gone on before and after her so I know that she is surrounded by family and her friends who have gone too.

Mom I hope you have a great birthday today and I will be seeing you soon.  I love you and miss you every day.  Everyone is doing okay and missing you too.  Mark is still at the paper however you always said if he retired the paper would fall apart I’m starting to think you might be right on that score.  Well Mom that is all for now take care and thanks for everything.