As it closes in on the one year anniversary of my husband’s Carl passing I look back to see if I have learned anything I can share with someone else is just starting the process of losing someone they love. I suppose the first and most important thing at least for me is and was that there is no right or wrong way to grief and that during the five stages that you hit in that year you stay in each stage at your own pace. I think the stage I was at several different times was being mad not at Carl but at the mess he left my life in or the flux in which every day was a new adventure that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in. (The adventure not life) There are days I expect Carl to walk in the door and when he doesn’t it hurts when I realize that he is really not coming back. I guess that second hardest thing about Carl leaving me was on the day he did it. He died on the original Memorial Day which is also my brother Mark’s birthday so that makes it very hard also. I suppose those are my two pet peeves for the year and the fact that no matter what the missing and loneliness hasn’t gone away of course that takes longer sometimes and no there is no set time on any stage of grief it just happens when your ready for that stage I guess that is what has happened to me.
They tell you in that first year don’t make any major decisions about anything and yet they want to know right away about what you want done has far as the services go. It was so hard to even think I was numb I knew I was going to lose him the problem was when. I don’t care how prepared you think you are your never prepared. Carl had been sick for years and when they finally told us what he had we were shocked of course but relived to know finally. We told ourselves that we could do anything as long as we had each other. But when it got down to days, hours, minutes and seconds it is a whole lot harder to cope. We had a great staff of hospice workers who came here to the house to help us out and the last day and a half the nurse Kelly was here most of the day and didn’t leave until 7PM after another nurse came to replace her. I count my lucky starts that Carl had decided to go that way because it sure made things much better for the whole family but especially him. Kelly kept him comfort so he wouldn’t be in a lot of pain. She was our angel and the staff did everything to help make his last days better.
He has been gone a year on Thursday the 30 of May and at times it still feels like yesterday but I know in my heart that he is in a better place where God is talking all kinds of things with him and he is enjoying himself. He has no pain and he knows that all is good with me. Yes I still cry sometimes I would be lying if I told you that everything is great in my world. But at this moment at 0345 on a Wednesday morning I can say with all honest it is and that I’m happy. My daughter Misty and I are moving out of my brother house it has taken us a year to do this because I wanted to make sure it was the right thing for both of us and I wanted Mark to know that I wasn’t leaving him high and dry. My sister in law Dawn’s parents are moving in to help Mark and Dawn to keep up with the bills and things. So Carl would be proud of what I’m doing even if I’m doing with Misty. LOL I am back taking pictures which I’m enjoying. I’m going to a family reunion in October which I’m really looking forward to. I have a friend who is a psychologist who tells me all the things I feel are normal for the first year. I’m going to try and celebrate Carl’s life and our life together on Thursday but I’m also going to know in my heart that he is happy where he is too and I’ll just have to let my head catch up on those feelings too. Grief in a years’ time isn’t so bad if you try to remember all the good times you had together as a family, individually and as friends then it will be a better day for all concerned.
Hello again my fellow bloggers and friends:
I told you on Mother’s Day that Misty and I would be moving to FL so that she can have back surgery and do her recovery and rehab there however I find out now that that isn’t going to happen which makes both of us very sad because we both love the gulf. I know that we could have moved down south and been near the gulf but it just isn’t the same as being in FL. FL has the best beaches in the world. (clean white sand) Here we don’t have any water in our lakes because we haven’t had enough rain for a while now. So now that Misty and I know we aren’t going to move to another state we decided that we needed to have some space to call our own. Space that we wouldn’t to share with my brother Mark and my sister in law Dawn. So at first we looked for an apartment and could find any that we could afford or that we liked. So then Misty came up with rent a mobile home we already live in one so it can’t be that bad right? So we went over to where we lived when my Mom was alive and living with us. They have new owners, new management and they don’t rent trailers anymore but she said maybe you can qualify for home so we got us a 3bd 1ba home and we are buying it. So it belongs to Misty and me and of course the bank we can’t forget the bank.
Last Monday we had a fire in the woods that burned 83 acres because the winds were blowing 35-45 miles per hour. We got evaluated about 1PM and could come back to the house until about 615PM the smoke was bad and at one time I thought one of my neighbors was going to lose their house because the fire had jump the fence and gotten really close to his steps by his porch. (that is the picture I’m sharing with all of you) I had sore lungs until Saturday from the smoke. The police when they told us to leave they didn’t tell us we had to leave the park so we just went as far as the office and stayed until they told us to go home.
Now this week on Monday we had tornadoes in OKC we were in a tornado watch but we didn’t have any at all. Moore, OK I think got the worst even though OKC had some tornado activity I think a total of 51 people so far have died. Some of those 51 are children. A school in Moore was destroyed and children died in the school there is also missing children and adults. It is so very sad when anyone dies but it is really bad when they are children I know of 2 of the children because they talked about them yesterday (last night) news one was a 3 grader and the other 4 grader was found in the bottom of some rubble dead. My prayers, tears and heart goes out to everyone who has lost someone or has lost their home from the tornadoes. Yesterday tornado was an F5 which means it was the big one. Y’all be careful and God bless each and every one of you. I hope there is only wounded left and no more dead I know that isn’t realist but I don’t want to be sad and worried my cousin is up and I hope he is okay. Well my friend and bloggers it is time for me to hit the rack cause I haven’t been to bed yet and I’m finally getting sleepy which is good. God bless each and every one of you and say a little pray for the tornado victims.
Red Sox Lady 35
Storms are coming in from all 4 directions.
Mother’s Day means different things to different people but for me it means my Mom is gone and I can’t tell her in person to have a good Mom’s day. But I still can tell her I love her and even Happy Mom’s Day but not by seeing her I just go to the cemetery and tell her anything and everything I want.
For all of you out there who still have your Moms still with you don’t ever take her for granted because one day your going to wake up and wonder were the time as gone and why didn’t you pay more attention I know because I have been there. At times I wish that I could pick up the phone and tell her that she is missed not just on her birthday, Moms day, grandparents day, Thanksgiving, and of course Christmas and everything it means but that can’t happen because there is no phone in heaven. LOL I still feel her at times. My brother Mark is quiet about his feelings but I know that he misses her and my daughter Misty is very verbal about her feelings where my Mom is concern. I suppose we all have different feels and we react and we share them differently also. I suppose that I’m the lucky one because I have my writing to keep me sane. Misty writes but not as often as me.
I don’t ever want you to think I’m telling what to do after all she is your Mom and you should do what you feel is right for you. I know that I’m a little late with my wishes but I was a little slow on the up take today until I went to the cemetery this morning. I hope each and every one of you had a great Mom’s day and that you got to see your children, aunts, sisters and daughters as well as great granddaughters and granddaughters. I hope you have each enjoyed my blog and that you all enjoy your week. It just might be busy but life is always busy isn’t it. I hope to see you soon so until then have a very good day and be good to yourself. Love Kat
Watching Autumn roll in at the lake.
The Subject of Your First Post.
Great, there must be something about writing your first blog and it is about food. I believe the first blog I ever wrote anywhere was my life on the dairy farm that my great grandparents and grandparents owned together when I was a kid. I talked about how it felt to learn how to milk my first cow because when I was first learning we didn’t have a machine which would do most of the work for you….we put the cow in place and we milked it and released it back out of the way and continue to the next one. The first blog I have done here for WordPress was about how the Red Soxs was winning against the tigers 2 out of 3 so far. I love all your photographs you have a great eye to grasp the details so wonderful and so clear. I want to tell you thanks for sharing and please keep up the great work.
Red Soxs lady 35,
View from Burj Khalifa.
I love the view Burj. Thank you for sharing with us.